NAM: The Random Expressionist

Assalamualaikum and hello, "I keep dreaming everyday. Dream something big. A various kind of dreams that I really want to possess. A possession that somehow eats my sane from time to time. Whenever I tried to figure it out about that dream, I keep wondering. Doubting myself; Do I really need to do this? How am I gonna achieve this task? Am I good enough to create the miracle out of it? Am I strong enough to become the way I am right now? Overthinking about it and that makes me cry even more, rotting inside out. I smiled to you. But, I cannot hide anything from you. My expression My figure My walking style My attitude towards you My self-conscious My thoughts Sometimes, I happy. Sometimes, I sad. Sometimes, I have fun. Sometimes, I mad. Because of the dreams that I will never get possessed nor keeping it forever. Having the mind that thinks about getting everything and keep it. It's too dangerous. It's like, you're becoming obsessed with that dream and y...

When I feel that I actually afraid of becoming an adult day by day... Looking at the News Feed on Facebook, Tweets and Instagram, everyone has changed slowly. Both physically and mentally. Some are already build their own empire, obtaining thousands of Ringgit from their own sweat and blood. Some are already drawing their path to have an early matrimony with their soul mate. Some are still working their ass off to finish their study and someone who can contribute their effort to the country. Some are still trying their hardest to collect money and do a great escapade, releasing themselves from the stressful work and job to ease their mind a little. As I watch every scenes day by day, counting every minutes and seconds, I feel that I've become older physically, but my mind and soul seems can't accept the truth yet. When you're older, you started to realize your regrets. When you're older, you can feel that you can die anytime anywhere without you knowing it. When ...

"You're not realize you had opened up you true self one by one. It's like, you're flaying your fake skin slowly and discreet, showing your true nature. It's painful to the point you want to be left out from all disgusting people who easily become keyboard warriors without any legitimate facts to support their judgement. But, Among all people who are degrading and complimenting you up until now, there is a person who always watches you from afar, ready to drag you out from that condemnation and selfishness. There is a great chain between you and that person that God has sent them to you through thick and thin. He also send them to you as a reminder. A reminder that you need to be grateful for what you'd achieved so far. No matter how much you want to be alone, you're not alone afterall. No matter you declare yourself as a lonely, noob being, you're not. Why? Because Allah always be by your side and He gives you lots of mind-blowing tests to show Hi...

Tarkala hati ini seringkali berbisik, "Berubahlah. Bertaubatlah. Cubalah untuk berubah. Lupakan perkara yang lalu; yang telah menjatuhkan maruahmu sedikit demi sedikit ibarat span yang makin lusuh diguna pakai orang. Perlahan-lahan cuba untuk mendaki kearah kebaikan yang hakiki. Yang deredhai oleh Ya Rabb." Tatkala hati berbisik, aku kelu. Aku mula merasa dengki. Dengki dengan akhlak makhluk-makhluk yang lain. Cemburu kerana mereka boleh melepaskan segala kerinduan kepada-Nya manakala aku masih lagi terperangkap dalam hiburan dunia. Kadang aku sedih. Air mataku tiba-tiba mengalir dari lingkaran mataku. Mula aku berbisik kembali dalam diri... "Adakah air mataku ini air mata yang ikhlas dari diriku untuk berubah atau hanyalah suatu lakonan untuk menagih simpati dari makhluk-makhluk sekeliling?" Sejak dari itu, aku mula menyendiri...

Pernah sekali kau mengatakan dia seperti paus Paus yang terlalu besar sehingga tidak boleh menampung dirinya lagi Perlu bantuan orang hanya untuk bangkit Dengan perit dan sakitnya diuji tusukan cacian sehingga berlubang Mula bersangka buruk pada Ilahi "Kenapa perlu aku menerima ujian sedemikian rupa?" Makin jauh Makin jauh dek kerana keluh kesah yang tidak berkesudahan Ini baru ujian kecil Nak engkau berusaha lagi. Buktikan kepada landak-landak itu Kamu boleh buat. Kamu boleh buat. Cacian menjadi bahan api Hidupkan enjin yang lama ditinggalkan Mula digosok balik jiwa Menjadi hati kering Mata buta tidak melihat persepsi orang Kerana dia percaya dengan persepsi diri. Jangan risau Percayalah Semua akan berakhir...... NAM 26032016