NAM: The Random Expressionist

Assalamualaikum and hello everyone... It's been a while since the last time I updated my blog. When I first open my blog after almost a year and a half, I feel weird again with the new interface. But, it's a good thing for me to start all over again. Not thinking much about what should I write for the sake of whoever wanna read this simple blog of mine. I've been thinking whether I should continue writing on this blog or not as I don't know if my mood will start to waver again. Knowing that writing has become a part of me since my school years, I think I will start to write again. For the sake of relieving what I keep in my mind and I treat this blog as a way for me to be myself again.     Honestly, my writing style is still niche, considering how many times I wrote poems and short prose in my other account. If you ask me, I'm still doubting about my own self. Till now, I'm still doubting what should I do with my life. I try my best to convince myself, knowing t...

Assalamualaikum wbt. To replace a broken heart is not easy. It is not like, you operate your body, take your heart that is full of wounds and cuts and replace it with the brand new heart. It is not like that! I always feel heartbroken. Every single days I face with the same thing all over again. It feels like I deserved to get a deja vú everyday because of my own mistakes. They will think I'm happy with my own life. Live the way that you want. But, at the same time, you feel guilty for the one you let them trust you the most in their life. I always feel like I'm just a replacement for the one who should be with them. I always feel like that. Even if they say that it is not like that. The way they treat you is different when they are with their true besties. A replacement for not miss them too much. That is how it works in my world. Sometimes, they might say, "Hey! That's too much! I never think like that for God's sake!" But then, the way they tell you th...

"There's nothing to talk about As you're already have someone you can share your story about your life with someone you close too; There's nothing to talk about As you will just ignore it and focusing on the more juicier stories from others; There's nothing to share As the stories will always become the same till you feel like you wanna puke; You don't have to ask about me As I'm just a mere follower, not a person you used to know before; Counting days to leave this place and I assure you, you'll never find me and forget about our time together. Even if you tried to deny it, that's the truth. I wonder, do you really think of me as a friend or a tool?" NAM 01062016 #RandomTalk #mynameisNAM

Assalamualaikum and hello, "I keep dreaming everyday. Dream something big. A various kind of dreams that I really want to possess. A possession that somehow eats my sane from time to time. Whenever I tried to figure it out about that dream, I keep wondering. Doubting myself; Do I really need to do this? How am I gonna achieve this task? Am I good enough to create the miracle out of it? Am I strong enough to become the way I am right now? Overthinking about it and that makes me cry even more, rotting inside out. I smiled to you. But, I cannot hide anything from you. My expression My figure My walking style My attitude towards you My self-conscious My thoughts Sometimes, I happy. Sometimes, I sad. Sometimes, I have fun. Sometimes, I mad. Because of the dreams that I will never get possessed nor keeping it forever. Having the mind that thinks about getting everything and keep it. It's too dangerous. It's like, you're becoming obsessed with that dream and y...

When I feel that I actually afraid of becoming an adult day by day... Looking at the News Feed on Facebook, Tweets and Instagram, everyone has changed slowly. Both physically and mentally. Some are already build their own empire, obtaining thousands of Ringgit from their own sweat and blood. Some are already drawing their path to have an early matrimony with their soul mate. Some are still working their ass off to finish their study and someone who can contribute their effort to the country. Some are still trying their hardest to collect money and do a great escapade, releasing themselves from the stressful work and job to ease their mind a little. As I watch every scenes day by day, counting every minutes and seconds, I feel that I've become older physically, but my mind and soul seems can't accept the truth yet. When you're older, you started to realize your regrets. When you're older, you can feel that you can die anytime anywhere without you knowing it. When ...

"You're not realize you had opened up you true self one by one. It's like, you're flaying your fake skin slowly and discreet, showing your true nature. It's painful to the point you want to be left out from all disgusting people who easily become keyboard warriors without any legitimate facts to support their judgement. But, Among all people who are degrading and complimenting you up until now, there is a person who always watches you from afar, ready to drag you out from that condemnation and selfishness. There is a great chain between you and that person that God has sent them to you through thick and thin. He also send them to you as a reminder. A reminder that you need to be grateful for what you'd achieved so far. No matter how much you want to be alone, you're not alone afterall. No matter you declare yourself as a lonely, noob being, you're not. Why? Because Allah always be by your side and He gives you lots of mind-blowing tests to show Hi...

Tarkala hati ini seringkali berbisik, "Berubahlah. Bertaubatlah. Cubalah untuk berubah. Lupakan perkara yang lalu; yang telah menjatuhkan maruahmu sedikit demi sedikit ibarat span yang makin lusuh diguna pakai orang. Perlahan-lahan cuba untuk mendaki kearah kebaikan yang hakiki. Yang deredhai oleh Ya Rabb." Tatkala hati berbisik, aku kelu. Aku mula merasa dengki. Dengki dengan akhlak makhluk-makhluk yang lain. Cemburu kerana mereka boleh melepaskan segala kerinduan kepada-Nya manakala aku masih lagi terperangkap dalam hiburan dunia. Kadang aku sedih. Air mataku tiba-tiba mengalir dari lingkaran mataku. Mula aku berbisik kembali dalam diri... "Adakah air mataku ini air mata yang ikhlas dari diriku untuk berubah atau hanyalah suatu lakonan untuk menagih simpati dari makhluk-makhluk sekeliling?" Sejak dari itu, aku mula menyendiri...

Pernah sekali kau mengatakan dia seperti paus Paus yang terlalu besar sehingga tidak boleh menampung dirinya lagi Perlu bantuan orang hanya untuk bangkit Dengan perit dan sakitnya diuji tusukan cacian sehingga berlubang Mula bersangka buruk pada Ilahi "Kenapa perlu aku menerima ujian sedemikian rupa?" Makin jauh Makin jauh dek kerana keluh kesah yang tidak berkesudahan Ini baru ujian kecil Nak engkau berusaha lagi. Buktikan kepada landak-landak itu Kamu boleh buat. Kamu boleh buat. Cacian menjadi bahan api Hidupkan enjin yang lama ditinggalkan Mula digosok balik jiwa Menjadi hati kering Mata buta tidak melihat persepsi orang Kerana dia percaya dengan persepsi diri. Jangan risau Percayalah Semua akan berakhir...... NAM 26032016

A thousand times more cheerful than the past A thousand times more sadness than the past A thousand times more devastated than the past A thousand times more genial than the past       And…… A thousand times lonelier than the past…       Solemnizing thoughts about the throbbing past that haunted one’s mind. Never to think this will change one’s whole life; both happy and agony. Even if it against one’s will. Whenever you are in a dire situation and you eventually cannot solve this one, I want to ask you one thing;             Did you ever feel regret about it?       For once, I thought. This is a worst decision at all. Every time, tears will flow down endlessly, involuntarily. Deceived by everyone’s treatment towards me. Their smile, a sinister smile. I despised it the most. Can you imagine when you want to heal the wou...

Assalamualaikum wbt. and Hey,guys... I'm sorry 'coz I don't update my blog during the past because of my preparation to pursue my study in Shah Alam. Yes.. Shah Alam... But I pursue my study at Management and Science University (MSU), situated inside the suburb of Shah Alam... Ok, back to the topic, guyz. Thankful. Kaito: What a damn lame word. Me: Shush it, Kaito. Kaito: *snobbishly walked away* There. Why I choose this topic? Don't think like what Kaito told you just now. I just want to share this topic with you guys on how we want to be thankful for what we've got since we're born to this world. There's a good friend of mine (Ya Allah, please bless him for his good deeds) who we always have our usual conversation about our life and then he gave a link of an online newspaper. At that time, I just read the article without asking him, and then I said to him that I already read that article. But then he said to me; "Read the other arti...

Assalamualaikum and Happy September... When I opened my Facebook or my Instagram, there are some of my friends give their 20 facts about themselves and tagged someone else to reveal their personal facts or they will get their 'punishment'.For me, I'm just doing it for fun but some of my friends doesn't know a lot about me actually, so these are some of the facts about me. They who already know me for 5 years and above will occasionally know a little bit about me. So here they are: 1. I'm already 19, but my mind is still at the age of 10. 2. I started to love anime in 2010 until now, but not an OTAKU. 3. Everything with no.7 are my favourite numbers. 4. A little bit passive when socialize but talkative when on the phone. 5. Easily get a lot of friends but always alone all the time. 6. Sensitive, airheaded and a little bit posessive with my belongings. 7. I'm the only girl with my other 2 younger BROTHERS !!! 8. Most of my friends are older or younger tha...

Assalamualaikum dan Salam Sejahtera, Senyumlah. Jangan bersedih. Tetapi bersyukurlah. Memang topik saya pada hari ini agak sedikit implied tetapi topik kali ini memang ada kena mengena dengan kondisi masyarakat pada masa kini. Tatkala kita melihat ramai manusia yang bergembira dengan keputusan cermelang dan kejayaan yang mereka kecapi, ada dari kalangan kawan-kawan mereka yang tidak mendapat apa yang mereka kehendaki. Mendapat keputusan yang tidak memuaskan, tidak berjaya untuk memasuki instutusi pengajian tinggi, kecewa kerana tidak mendapat pekerjaan dan sebagainya. Apa yang mereka tidak ketahui ialah, golongan ini mula untuk berfikir secara negatif. Kenapa mereka tidak terpilih? Mengapa mereka tidak dapat keputusan yang mereka idamkan? Adakah mereka masih tidak cukup usaha? Bagaimana mereka yang tidak nampak seperti belajar boleh mendapatkan keputusan yang terbaik? Mengapa? Kenapa? Apabila mereka mula berfikir sedemikian, mereka mula mengalami tekanan perasaan. Apabila mereka t...

Wahai Sahabatku, Kehidupan sebagai seorang manusia tidak semudah apa yang disangka. Setiap perjalanan yang kita hadapi pasti akan datang banyak dugaan dan cabaran; ujian-ujian dari Yang Maha Esa yang kita sendiri tidak dapat untuk menduga. Insan yang digelar sebagai manusia; insan yang digelar umat yang teristimewa; dicipta khas oleh sang Pencipta seluruh alam. Insan yang telah diberikan keunikan yang lain daripada yang lain; akal fikiran, kebijaksanaan. Manusia telah diberikan keunikan ini, amat berbeza daripada makhluk-makhluk lain di atas muka bumi. Sesekali kita melihat, kejayaan orang lain yang mereka peroleh daripada hasil titik peluh mereka sendiri; mereka berusaha keras mempelajari ilmu-ilmu pengetahuan, kemahiran-kemahiran demi hanya untuk satu matlamat, supaya suatu hari nanti mereka dapat berbakti kepada masyarakat serta rakyat yang telah membimbing dan memberi tunjuk ajar kepada mereka berasaskan semangat dan sokongan si pembimbing. Adakalanya, dalam kita mengecapi k...

Assalamualaikum and Hello, my cute and handsome fellas... I'm so sorry as I don't update this blog for such a long time as I'm busy with my duty as a university student (What the heck!!!I'm just enjoy with other work all the time. What a liar~~~). Haha... Playing all the time, it's not good at all~~~ It's my major habit, so don't follow me with this ok? BTW, although it's already to late for me to say it- Kaito: Yeah right. You're tooooooooo LATE to say 'IT', BAKA NAWA! Me: Augh!!! STOP IT, BAKAITO!!! Anyway, let me say it for the last time... HAPPY NEW YEAR , GUYS~~~ *fireworks flies at the dark sky* So, 2014 has already raised its curtain, right? How's everyone doing right now? I think that everyone has decided what's your new resolution for this year right? Me? I don't think that I've my new revolution for this year instead... Kaito: Huh? Why you said that?! Or you still feel guilty about last year? Me:...