NAM: The Random Expressionist

Assalamualaikum wbt. To replace a broken heart is not easy. It is not like, you operate your body, take your heart that is full of wounds and cuts and replace it with the brand new heart. It is not like that! I always feel heartbroken. Every single days I face with the same thing all over again. It feels like I deserved to get a deja vú everyday because of my own mistakes. They will think I'm happy with my own life. Live the way that you want. But, at the same time, you feel guilty for the one you let them trust you the most in their life. I always feel like I'm just a replacement for the one who should be with them. I always feel like that. Even if they say that it is not like that. The way they treat you is different when they are with their true besties. A replacement for not miss them too much. That is how it works in my world. Sometimes, they might say, "Hey! That's too much! I never think like that for God's sake!" But then, the way they tell you th...

"There's nothing to talk about As you're already have someone you can share your story about your life with someone you close too; There's nothing to talk about As you will just ignore it and focusing on the more juicier stories from others; There's nothing to share As the stories will always become the same till you feel like you wanna puke; You don't have to ask about me As I'm just a mere follower, not a person you used to know before; Counting days to leave this place and I assure you, you'll never find me and forget about our time together. Even if you tried to deny it, that's the truth. I wonder, do you really think of me as a friend or a tool?" NAM 01062016 #RandomTalk #mynameisNAM

Assalamualaikum and hello, "I keep dreaming everyday. Dream something big. A various kind of dreams that I really want to possess. A possession that somehow eats my sane from time to time. Whenever I tried to figure it out about that dream, I keep wondering. Doubting myself; Do I really need to do this? How am I gonna achieve this task? Am I good enough to create the miracle out of it? Am I strong enough to become the way I am right now? Overthinking about it and that makes me cry even more, rotting inside out. I smiled to you. But, I cannot hide anything from you. My expression My figure My walking style My attitude towards you My self-conscious My thoughts Sometimes, I happy. Sometimes, I sad. Sometimes, I have fun. Sometimes, I mad. Because of the dreams that I will never get possessed nor keeping it forever. Having the mind that thinks about getting everything and keep it. It's too dangerous. It's like, you're becoming obsessed with that dream and y...

When I feel that I actually afraid of becoming an adult day by day... Looking at the News Feed on Facebook, Tweets and Instagram, everyone has changed slowly. Both physically and mentally. Some are already build their own empire, obtaining thousands of Ringgit from their own sweat and blood. Some are already drawing their path to have an early matrimony with their soul mate. Some are still working their ass off to finish their study and someone who can contribute their effort to the country. Some are still trying their hardest to collect money and do a great escapade, releasing themselves from the stressful work and job to ease their mind a little. As I watch every scenes day by day, counting every minutes and seconds, I feel that I've become older physically, but my mind and soul seems can't accept the truth yet. When you're older, you started to realize your regrets. When you're older, you can feel that you can die anytime anywhere without you knowing it. When ...

"You're not realize you had opened up you true self one by one. It's like, you're flaying your fake skin slowly and discreet, showing your true nature. It's painful to the point you want to be left out from all disgusting people who easily become keyboard warriors without any legitimate facts to support their judgement. But, Among all people who are degrading and complimenting you up until now, there is a person who always watches you from afar, ready to drag you out from that condemnation and selfishness. There is a great chain between you and that person that God has sent them to you through thick and thin. He also send them to you as a reminder. A reminder that you need to be grateful for what you'd achieved so far. No matter how much you want to be alone, you're not alone afterall. No matter you declare yourself as a lonely, noob being, you're not. Why? Because Allah always be by your side and He gives you lots of mind-blowing tests to show Hi...

Tarkala hati ini seringkali berbisik, "Berubahlah. Bertaubatlah. Cubalah untuk berubah. Lupakan perkara yang lalu; yang telah menjatuhkan maruahmu sedikit demi sedikit ibarat span yang makin lusuh diguna pakai orang. Perlahan-lahan cuba untuk mendaki kearah kebaikan yang hakiki. Yang deredhai oleh Ya Rabb." Tatkala hati berbisik, aku kelu. Aku mula merasa dengki. Dengki dengan akhlak makhluk-makhluk yang lain. Cemburu kerana mereka boleh melepaskan segala kerinduan kepada-Nya manakala aku masih lagi terperangkap dalam hiburan dunia. Kadang aku sedih. Air mataku tiba-tiba mengalir dari lingkaran mataku. Mula aku berbisik kembali dalam diri... "Adakah air mataku ini air mata yang ikhlas dari diriku untuk berubah atau hanyalah suatu lakonan untuk menagih simpati dari makhluk-makhluk sekeliling?" Sejak dari itu, aku mula menyendiri...

Pernah sekali kau mengatakan dia seperti paus Paus yang terlalu besar sehingga tidak boleh menampung dirinya lagi Perlu bantuan orang hanya untuk bangkit Dengan perit dan sakitnya diuji tusukan cacian sehingga berlubang Mula bersangka buruk pada Ilahi "Kenapa perlu aku menerima ujian sedemikian rupa?" Makin jauh Makin jauh dek kerana keluh kesah yang tidak berkesudahan Ini baru ujian kecil Nak engkau berusaha lagi. Buktikan kepada landak-landak itu Kamu boleh buat. Kamu boleh buat. Cacian menjadi bahan api Hidupkan enjin yang lama ditinggalkan Mula digosok balik jiwa Menjadi hati kering Mata buta tidak melihat persepsi orang Kerana dia percaya dengan persepsi diri. Jangan risau Percayalah Semua akan berakhir...... NAM 26032016